2/12/14
To: Sister
Ashley is one of the cowboy guys from church. I have never met so many guys with “girl” names before I moved here. Shannon, Stacey, Peyton, Lesley, Ashley? Maybe it’s a ranch thing? He is not a cowboy, though he comes from a multi generational homestead family. He now has a boring office job, because as he’s told me, “Who can make money ranching?”
He’s snarky and funny, but it not so thinly covers the fact that he’s also quite angry and bitter.
I can never tell if he wants to be friends or is terrified to be friends because he might like me too much. He was divorced about a decade ago and was left with two little kids. He is very angry about that. He now has a girlfriend, who lives somewhere far away and he hardly ever sees. Everyone at church harasses him endlessly since he doesn’t seem to be willing to move it along with this lady.
Either way, somehow we find ourselves weird friends. I enjoy his sense of humor, and secretly I think he enjoys that I dish it all back to him.
We exchanged these emails the other day. Enjoy!
From: Ashley
I’ve got a story for you. It relates to our texts, but didn’t want to text it. Don’t want to be labeled as a weirdo for “email length texts.” I’d told him about the texts from Roughneck.
This morning my son asks, “Dad, do you have any regrets?”
This is one of those situations where my heart skips a beat.
I answered, “Yes, everyone has regrets because everyone has made mistakes.” I’m hoping he doesn’t ask specifically what regrets I have. Divorce comes to mind of course.
He says, “I only have one regret that I care about.”
Again, my first thought was divorce, but I gave him my standard response, “Oh yea?”
I didn’t want to ask what. I pretty much want to run and hide from this conversation.
He finally says, “My regret is that I was born without a tail.”
Then we get to talk about whether he can have a tail surgically attached.
From: Me
Wow, those are the hilarious moments that make having kids so awesome!!
Divorce sucks. I don't "regret" it per se, but it was the saddest single experience of my life.
Also.... You're still a weirdo...fyi
From: Ashley
I wouldn’t recommend it. I fought awful hard to prevent it. No matter how much I can blame it on her, I picked her to marry. I will forever regret messing up my kids’ lives.
You met someone else? Really? After 3 days? What, do you advertise?
From: Me
Ummmm yes. Online dating is akin to advertising. I don't want a boyfriend. I want a husband! So if I meet some one with potential I'm not gonna waste time. I don't know what will happen but I suddenly don't care about anybody else.
From: Ashley
Whoa! Sticky! Well, as you know, I am lots more careful, gobs more, wow, but I do hope for a good outcome for you.
Now, I feel sorry for the kid. He was looking at a weekend in the hills , Valentine’s Day even, with a gorgeous red-head. Regardless of the “friend” thing, what an opportunity. He was living high, but got shot down. I guess is some good that he never knew that he was zero on potential.
I’m pretty sure that if I had a profile online, I wouldn’t have a date with potential in less than three days. Even if I lowered my definition of potential. Wow…….
From: Me
Well I am super careful, and have incredibly high standards. All the guys I've met have been really decent and good but just nothing more. It was kinda crazy. But I've had my profile up since November. So it's not exactly three days. We are meeting on Monday, so we'll see.
He was disappointed, and I was too cause he's fun, but I had been clear he wasn't on the husband list, so he "understood." We have very different paradigms, so it's better, it preserves our friendship, where those things don't matter.
From: Ashley
Yea, well, I have incredibly high standards too, but there’s no waiting list. Good luck Monday.
From: Me
Also, your kids are gonna be okay. Living with unhappy parents can also be very damaging. You don't want them to end up in unhappy marriages because they think that's all that's available. Kids are super tough little boogers.
Tonight at church, one of the kids spontaneously told me about something going on with them (it was tough to understand) but it involved something and going to the social worker so her mom wouldn't go to jail. "You're so lucky cause your mom and dad are still together." She said to me. Indeed. I am. And I wish there was more I could do for them besides be a listening trusting grown up. But in any case, at least your kids don't have to go through trauma like that. And they know you love them.
From: Ashley
Whoa. You just made a major difference in a kid's life. It might not have been much, but I remember people from years ago that did something small and something good for me. You are important.
Now as for me, I understand what you say. However, my kids were happy before. We did not fight, was not love and roses every day, but was alright. Divorce is a horrible thing for kids. I know that it doesn't kill kids, but I don't think divorce is acceptable because "kids are tough." That's what selfish adults say to defend their actions.
I know how bad a divorce is, but I can tell you that it is a whole lot worse with kids. Anyways, I am not one to mope for the rest of my life.
From: Me
I hope so. If running around playing capture the flag for an hour every week is something for them I am happy to do it.
I didn't mean to say it's okay. It's not okay at all. But life is a combination of our best choices and other people's lame ones. And somehow God still makes things beautiful. I know you don't mope about, but sometimes we need encouragement from each other.
From: Ashley
You have a good night.