January 14, 2014
Dear Mom, Dad & Sister,
Over Christmas break I decided that it’s time. I’m about to turn 30! Can you believe it? I can’t. Breaking up with Aaron really hurt. I feel like I wasted eight months. I really want to have kids and I really want to build a life with someone. It’s time to begin the hunt in earnest. I think my efforts to date have been a little cobbled together somewhat haphazardly and so I’m going to begin again, but with more purpose, and try to be more honest with what is working and not working, instead of sweeping things under the rug.
I’ve realized over the past couple of years that maybe being more open about my search with you will help you sometimes weigh in with your experiential wisdom and maybe part of my problem is that I haven’t been utilizing that. I can’t ask for an arranged marriage but I can involve you all. I also think that when I write I learn better and also see dating for the often hilarious fiasco it is!
Trying to throw the net as far and wide as possible in this hunt. Being more realistic about the fact that I could move (even though I don’t especially want to). So my search is not limited to local guys, though of course that would make things easier.
Mom was all sad when she realized that she was going to miss out on all the news since she'd going to be gone for three weeks, so I promised her a short update on the men since I got back online to restart the hunt.
Here's the dossiers so far:
The Pilot - 38, Texas, Never Married/Never Dated
Sent me a really long email when I told him I needed someone with experience going on and on about how he's prepared for marriage, by having gone to lots of seminars, counseling - even leading seminars himself! (*gasp) but for some reason he's never been able to date. Listed a long list of girls who rejected him and for misc. reasons. Said it was crazy that I wanted someone with a "long list of failures". Also detailed how he keeps a journal and scrapbook of musing to his future wife.
Verdict: I blocked him. Eek!
Mr. Biznass - 35, Texas, Does something corporate
Have been talking to him a little. He responds sporadically, and only really late at night - as if it's low on his priority list. Seems burned out on the dating thing in general. Was surprised by the thought of having a stay at home wife, but said he liked it the more he thought about it. Said I might have to settle for macaroni jewelry, and I told him that was fine. Asked if I was okay eloping. Wanted to know where we should go next (doesn't seem like a big writer) and wondered if maybe I could just show up on his doorstep and we could "just make it work!" I responded that he should get a macaroni ring and "let's elope!" He's funny, but it feels like the witty banter of someone with very low investment.
Verdict: Still out, but not highly likely.
The Sheriff - 42, North Dakota
Super nice, we had some zingy texts that felt fun and witty. He drove down to meet me last weekend and we had a nice time, but he was quiet and introverted in person. Also shorter than advertised. He has a cowboy mustache which made him quite the character. Seems like he would take a little bit of time to get to know. Seemed like he liked me a bit more than I liked him, which felt overwhelming.
I feel like only a year of being separated from a twenty year marriage, is a bit short. Especially since a fair amount of our conversation ended up being about his ex-wife. Not a great sign. I’m begining to notice that how a person talks about their ex is a good sign about their ability to forgive and their general character. He made a comment about how he would be so relieved when their shared kids were all 18, and he “could be done dealing with her.” I reminded him that he will never be “done” as they’re always share kids, graduations, weddings, holidays, grandkids. Best to figure out a way to forgive and move on. I’m not sure he liked this, but I tried to say it all very gently.
After his visit I told him I still want to be friends. (Also not sure someone with four kids is really thrilled to have some more with a second wife.) Wonder if I cut it off too soon, and maybe I am throwing something really good away. He's the kind of person that time won't effect - is not likely to be swept away in the hinter lands.
Verdict: Out, sadly.
Roughneck - 38, North Dakota
(Technically a tech but that’s a boring nickname)
He seems very nice and decent. He's VERY tall (6'9") and seems to have the personality that goes along with that, slow, plodding, kind; a gentle giant. We had a face-time date tonight, which was fun. Talked for 1.5 hours, and it was decent. Goofed around a little more than we had on the app.
Am not super excited about him, but he seems nice, and sometimes it's easier to start out with low expectations. Has a remarried ex wife and a daughter in another state. Has really expended energy to get to know me, asked me a lot of questions etc. This is a good sign.
He is very keen on having more kids. Reads a lot. Enjoys his job, where he makes decent money. Seems to be responsible with his money. He seems to have come from a good family background, not very much drama. He's coming down this weekend to meet, so that should be fun, and more informative.
Verdict: We'll See Soon!
Napa Valley - 41, Business Owner
I met him via aquaintances that set us up, instead of online.
Lives in California, have some mutual friends. Seems kind of nerdy but nice. He was married/divorced seven years ago, but doesn't have kids. We talked on the phone the other night and it was actually surprisingly fun. Am not sure if that's because we have a lot in common, or if we actually had good phone chemistry. Talked for over an hour and had a hard time ending it. We're supposed to talk again.
Verdict: Pleasantly surprised - Still Out
And that's all the news that's fit to print right now. More after this weekend! Getting back to dating has me remembering how tiring it all is. I’d so rather just find somone lickety split! Please keep this all in your prayers. And perhaps writing about it will entertain and inform, both you and me!
love you,
Sierra
From: Sister
Thanks for all the info! Wow though, seems like a lot to keep straight. Things must be relatively smooth in the rest of your life to keep up with this menagerie.
But I appreciate being kept in the loop and hope one of them is a long term/permanent fixture of your future.
Haha pilot seemed ooooooodd!! GIVING marriage seminars... Having never even DATED!?? He could be an ax murderer from this kind of oddity... Like on of those sociopathic "I have created my own little imaginary world and you're one of my wives, oh no, you're not what I decided you should be, I'll nursed you and burry you in the back yard with all the other women who decided not to date me".
But some of the others sound like real candidates.
Maybe I call tomorrow?
Love you!
From: Dad
How do you keep track of it all? Sounds exhausting. Have fun. Dad
To: Dad
It is!!! But ya gotta suffer thru the exhaustion if you want something!